My life as a Curious Autodidact

Bartender: I want to thank you for telling me this story.

Priest: Why?

Bartender: Because now I can retire.

Priest: You have to give me advice. That’s what this is supposed to be about.

Bartender: Oh, God. What do I know?
I’m a ha If Punjabi Sikh…
one-quarter Tamil separatist.
My sister’s married to a Jewish doctor from New Jersey…
and our other grandmother…
was an Irish nun who left me this bar, which is a very long story.

Priest: You’re a Sikh Catholic Muslim with Jewish in-laws?

Bartender: Yes. Yes. It gets very complicated. I’m reading Dianetics.

Priest: I don’t blame you.

Bartender: I thank you for listening to me.

Priest: I feel like I should ask you for my penance.

Bartender: I don’t do penance. I do shots.
I’ll tell you what I know.
May those who love us love us.
And those who don’t love us…
may God turn their hearts.
And if He cannot turn their hearts…
may He turn their ankles…
so that we may know them by their limping.

Keeping The Faith (2000), Edward Norton